So, I’m Stumpy Boxhead. Hello, pleased to meet you! I’m the non-existing drummer from the band HowManyDevils. This is their blog I’m writing on. I started off life as Stumpy, an Alesis HR-16 – occasionally with a Roland TR-505 slaved. Later that became a TR-626. Simon made an actual head out of a cardboard box, so I gained my surname. Then I evolved to some soundfonts on a SoundBlaster AWE card. Very, very briefly I was samples of Rob saying ‘boom’, ‘chick’, and ‘diddy’. Recently I’ve been made of Logic 9 samples and – back to Alesis – a D4. All of which is fine: I’m an imaginary robot drummer with a cardboard box for a head and all that you hear of me is sampled or synthesised and played by a drum machine. Machine being the key word.
This time around, I’m just not so sure. For starters they’ve called the album Flesh Reunion. I’m an imaginary robot drummer… flesh isn’t actually that inclusive to me is it! Then what do they do? yes, they use a REAL DRUM KIT – I’m a MACHINE! I’m pretty offend already by this point. It has been so difficult trying to play real drums with a cardboard box for a head. I can’t see what I’m hitting. MIDI was easier (please sequence me again). Then… then they make me a new head, and wear it on their fleshy selves. Mockery! If I wasn’t a figment of their imagination I’d have left long ago.
So that brings me to the insult they laid on me today at their Flesh Reunion. They edited the drum tracks to A Different Breed. Why? <sarcastic>because they weren’t quite in time</sarcastic>. I USED TO BE A FAULTLESSLY ACCURATE MACHINE. Now I’m all gooey physical flesh and my tempo drifts.
It does sound good after the edits though…
Err, thanks guys.